As a humanistic counsellor, I have had the privilege of sitting alongside clients as they navigate moments of emotional overwhelm. Often, this overwhelm comes from experiencing two seemingly opposing emotions at the same time. For example, you may feel excited and hopeful about a significant life change, such as moving to a new home, while also feeling anxious, frightened or uncertain about what lies ahead.

As a human being, you are capable of experiencing many different emotions simultaneously. You can feel happy and sad, excited and scared, hopeful and uncertain. These feelings can coexist, even when they seem to contradict one another, and trying to make sense of them can sometimes feel overwhelming.

I believe it is important to recognise that we don't always have to choose one feeling over another or make sense of everything straight away. Sometimes, simply acknowledging that you can hold these different emotions at the same time can help you to begin to understand yourself with greater compassion.

When these feelings arise, our instinct can be to push them away, distract ourselves or find a way to feel better as quickly as possible. You might tell yourself to carry on, not to overthink things, or remind yourself that other people have it worse.

We can become so focused on trying to change how we feel that we lose sight of something important: our feelings are part of our experience, and they deserve to be met with understanding rather than self-judgement.

But what might happen if, instead of immediately trying to make a difficult feeling go away, we allowed ourselves a little space to notice it? Why is it sometimes difficult to allow ourselves to notice?

We all develop ways of coping with our feelings, often shaped by our early experiences, relationships and the environments in which we grew up.

Perhaps you learnt that being upset was something to hide, that expressing anger could lead to conflict, or that being strong meant not letting others see when you were struggling. Maybe you became accustomed to looking after everyone else, leaving little room to notice what was happening within yourself.

These ways of coping may have helped you navigate difficult situations at particular points in your life. Over time, they may become so familiar that you no longer recognise them as ways of coping at all.

Perhaps you might automatically dismiss your own needs, feel guilty when you say no, or become uncomfortable when emotions surface that you don't know how to manage.

Sometimes, you may judge yourself for feeling the way you do. You might wonder why you are still affected by something that happened years ago, why a seemingly small situation has upset you so much, or question why you feel you are unable to move on.

You may also notice can that you are carrying another layer of difficulty: the belief that you shouldn't feel this way in the first place.

Making space for what is there

Sitting with a feeling doesn't mean you have to like it, agree with it or know what to do about it. It doesn't mean remaining in distress or forcing yourself to explore something before you are ready.

Rather, it is about allowing yourself to acknowledge what you are experiencing without immediately needing to change it. It may feel uncomfortable.

For example, when anxiety arises, you might notice how quickly you move into trying to reassure yourself, find an answer or regain a sense of control. When sadness appears, you may look for a distraction, almost as a defence mechanism. When anger surfaces, you might push it aside because you feel uncomfortable with how you are portrayed.

There is nothing wrong with seeking comfort or finding ways to cope. Sometimes, distraction, rest or taking practical action is exactly what you need.

However, moments when you can pause and gently acknowledge what is happening is important too.

I'm feeling anxious right now.

Something about this has hurt me.

I'm finding this harder than I expected.

These simple acknowledgements may help you recognise your experience without adding criticism or pressure. You don't have to understand a feeling fully before you allow yourself to notice it.

Sometimes, you can simply begin by saying to yourself, “This is how I'm feeling right now, and I don't have to judge myself for It, and that it’s ok for me to feel the way I do.”

Listening to what our feelings might be telling us

Your feelings can offer clues about your experiences, needs, relationships and what matters to you. They are not always straightforward, and they don't necessarily tell the whole truth about a situation, but they can provide a starting point for curiosity and self-understanding.

Maybe sadness arises when you recognise a loss you haven't had much opportunity to acknowledge. Anxiety might emerge when facing uncertainty or when something important feels outside your control.

There may be something worth exploring beneath the immediate feeling, although you don't always need to find a reason or explanation.

Rather than asking yourself, “How do I make this feeling stop?”, In therapy you might gently wonder:

“What is this experience like for me?”

“Is there something I need that I haven't been able to acknowledge?”

“What would it be like to respond to myself with a little more kindness?”

We may not find clear answers, and that is okay. Self-understanding is not always a process of solving a problem. Sometimes, it is about becoming more familiar with yourself and allowing your experiences to unfold without rushing to a conclusion.

What would it mean to meet yourself with compassion?

Think for a moment about how you might respond to someone you care about who is having a difficult time.

You might listen, offer reassurance, acknowledge how hard things have been, or simply sit alongside them without expecting them to feel differently.

Now consider how you respond to yourself when you're struggling.

Do you offer yourself that same patience? Or do you find yourself becoming critical, impatient or dismissive of what you're experiencing?

For many of us, self-compassion doesn't come naturally. You may believe that being hard on yourself helps you to cope, keeps you motivated or stops you from making mistakes. You might even feel uncomfortable with the idea of treating yourself more gently.

Yet self-compassion doesn't mean avoiding responsibility, ignoring difficult truths or giving yourself permission to behave in ways that hurt others. It means recognising that you, too, are human, you experience pain, uncertainty and vulnerability.

You can take responsibility for your actions while still being kind to yourself.  You can recognise things you may want to change without believing that you are somehow inadequate as you are.

Perhaps self-compassion begins with allowing yourself to be a person who is still learning, still making sense of things and still finding your way through your life’s journey.

We don't have to do it all at once

Learning to sit with difficult feelings takes time, particularly if you have spent much of your life trying not to feel them.

There may be times when acknowledging your emotions feels manageable, and other times when it feels overwhelming. You may find yourself returning to familiar ways of coping, even when you are beginning to recognise that they no longer serve you in the same way.

This doesn't mean you have failed.

Finding space to explore in counselling

Sometimes, it can be difficult to make space for your feelings when you are caught up in the demands of everyday life. You may be so used to keeping things going that you rarely pause to consider how you are really doing.

Counselling can offer an opportunity to slow down and explore what is happening beneath the surface.

From an integrative humanistic perspective, there is space for your individual experiences, relationships, thoughts and feelings to be explored with empathy, curiosity and respect. There is no expectation that you arrive with everything clearly understood or that you know what needs to change.

You might begin with something that has been troubling you, a pattern you have noticed in your relationships, or simply a feeling that you cannot quite put into words.

Together, we can explore what these experiences mean to you, at your pace.

Sometimes, being listened to without judgement can help us hear ourselves differently. You may begin to recognise feelings you have struggled to acknowledge, understand patterns that have become familiar, or discover needs and boundaries that have been difficult to express.

Counselling isn't about telling you what you should feel or who you should be. It is about creating space for you to develop a deeper understanding of yourself and find your own way forward.

A gentle invitation to reflect

The next time you notice a difficult feeling, perhaps you could give yourself a moment before deciding what to do with it.

You might ask yourself:

• What am I noticing in myself right now?
• What am I saying to myself about this feeling?
• Could I allow myself to acknowledge it without immediately judging it or trying to change it?
• What might help me feel supported in this moment?

You don't need to answer every question. You don't even need to ask them all. And if turning your attention inward feels uncomfortable or overwhelming, you can pause and return to it another time.

The invitation is simply to become a little more curious about your experience, rather than assuming that a difficult feeling is something you need to get rid of.

Perhaps, over time, you can begin to recognise that you don't have to be frightened of every uncomfortable emotion, nor do you have to let it define you.