What does it really mean to find the kindness within ourselves?

For a long time, kindness was something I offered freely to others, but rarely to myself. Like many people, I put myself last. My needs and aspirations came after my children, my husband, my family, my friends, and anyone else who needed me. Giving to others felt natural, even expected — yet over time, my battery was quietly draining.

My first experience of kindness towards myself came through noticing this pattern. I began to see that constantly placing myself at the bottom of the list wasn’t sustainable. Still, the idea of putting myself first felt uncomfortable, even wrong. Self-kindness felt selfish, something I hadn’t learned how to allow.

Through my own therapeutic journey, my narrative slowly began to change. Therapy offered a compassionate space where I could reflect without judgement. I started to understand the importance of personal kindness — of recognising my own needs alongside the needs of others, rather than beneath them. This gentle shift was powerful. It wasn’t about giving less to others, but about allowing myself to matter too.

With clarity came a deeper understanding of how essential it is to replenish my own energy. By taking time to recharge my own battery, I found I was more present, more grounded, and better able to cope with the many demands of life. Kindness, when directed inward, created space for resilience and balance.

In my work as a counsellor, I often meet people who have lost touch with self-kindness. Many arrive feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or disconnected from themselves. Working with kindness in therapy offers a calm, supportive space to notice these patterns and gently explore them, without pressure or expectation.

If any part of this resonates, you might simply take a moment to reflect on how you speak to yourself, or how often your own needs are acknowledged. For some, having a quiet, compassionate space to explore this further can feel helpful. There is no rush, no obligation — just the possibility of being met with understanding, care, and kindness.